Food

Distance: 5 miles
Run: 4.5 miles
Time: Pace was less than 11-minute miles

I went for a 4.5 mile run today. Felt decently strong. It was fairly warm at 75 degrees, so that is going to take a little getting used to. I was smart and took my water today. It was nearly gone by the time I got home.

I needed this workout today because my food has been not so hot since Sunday. This run helped to remind me of why am working so hard at all this, both exercise and weight loss.

I don't talk much about my relationship with food. I used to think for the longest time that I didn't have any food issues...but that is obviously false. You don't get to be nearly 200 pounds without having food issues. (I convinced myself that I just needed to exercise more.)

One thing Eric and I have done is pretty much rid the house of tempting foods. For me that means there is no candy in the house. I LOVE candy. Sugary, sugary candy. Chocolate is not my weakness, but things like jelly beans, Nerds, Jawbreakers, Zours, etc. are soooooo tempting for me.

A few weeks ago at the store, I put a big bag of jelly beans in the cart, walked five steps and then flung it back on the shelf. I know myself when it comes to these types of candy. I eat them until they are gone.

We enjoyed an early Easter celebration this past Sunday at my sister's house. All was going well until we walked in the door and she had bowls of jelly beans sitting in a bowl on the counter. Oh my goodness. And they weren't just any jelly beans. They were Starburst flavor and Hawaiian Punch flavor! I must have eaten 50 of those buggers without even thinking. And I certainly wasn't tracking points.

And they were good. Very good. I loved them.

I honestly didn't feel too guilty about my eating on Sunday even though I had jelly beans, marshmallows, hamburger with cheese and mayo, several deviled eggs, potato chips and dip, and frosting. I chalked it up to a day of overindulgence.

I know that I had every opportunity to not eat like I did. I'm not really sure why I told myself it was okay. Do I feel like I deserve it after so many weeks of being careful? Do I just like the food? Is it hormonal? Who knows. I'm not sure I even know. I just know those darn jelly beans did me in.

My issue isn't really with eating the way I did on Sunday. My issue is with the fact that it has been hard getting back on track for Monday and Tuesday. It's almost easier to just stay on the wagon rather than falling off. I didn't eat horribly the past two days, but it certainly could have been better. More jelly beans appeared at work, and they seem to be connected by a magnet to my mouth.

I also skipped working out yesterday which didn't do anything for my mental strength in resisting temptation.

So, weigh in is tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. Sometimes I can eat poorly and still lose. I don't have that confidence for tomorrow. However, it's a new day and a new week. I will continue on this path to be a better version of myself. I will continue to work to lose anywhere from 30-35 more pounds.

Why?

Because I feel better. I look better. I am stronger. I am happier. My kids see a better example. I see lots of sexy grins from my husband. I am wearing clothes that I haven't worn in four years. I feel proud.

I don't want jelly beans to mess with that. Jelly beans aren't worth all the things I just mentioned. NOOOOOOO to the jelly beans!